March 4, 2011
Sitting beside me on the couch, my daughter patted our female Boston Terrier and asked me: Mom, if female dogs are called Bitches, then what are male dogs called?
I looked at her and first said: Dogs; then, being my baaad self, I gave in to my temptation: Actually, they're called Assholes.
Big grins and giggles.
Well, what would you have said?
I believe that there's a time and place for everything, including profanity, which you can laugh at. Such as: Winnie the Shit. Hey, he's asking for it, being called "Pooh"!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Zombies!
March 5, 2011
Alright, so last Saturday, after begging me for a half hour, I allowed my daughters to watch a zombie movie. I was in the room, working on my book but hardly paying attention to the movie. That night, my oldest, who's always been easily stressed out by scary movies, came down to the living room around 1 AM. She was having a sleepover with her sister, so I didn't think she would be scared. But she was and this was her fear: her sister made a sound in her sleep, reminding her of the zombie noises from the movie and so, logically, she thought that her sister was bitten by a zombie and this would result in her waking and biting her!
Well, I assured her that it'll be a cold day in hell before I allow a zombie into my house, up the stairs and into my kids room to turn them into zombies...and all while I'm awake! I know how to kill zombies, after all...and they do move really slow (this is one of their scary qualities, in her opinion; I don't know why, it's one of the reasons why zombies would be my choice monster to chase after me).
But this is from a girl who was afraid to watch Scoobydoo. I should have known better...although, the next morning we all had fun with our youngest child zombie...
Alright, so last Saturday, after begging me for a half hour, I allowed my daughters to watch a zombie movie. I was in the room, working on my book but hardly paying attention to the movie. That night, my oldest, who's always been easily stressed out by scary movies, came down to the living room around 1 AM. She was having a sleepover with her sister, so I didn't think she would be scared. But she was and this was her fear: her sister made a sound in her sleep, reminding her of the zombie noises from the movie and so, logically, she thought that her sister was bitten by a zombie and this would result in her waking and biting her!
Well, I assured her that it'll be a cold day in hell before I allow a zombie into my house, up the stairs and into my kids room to turn them into zombies...and all while I'm awake! I know how to kill zombies, after all...and they do move really slow (this is one of their scary qualities, in her opinion; I don't know why, it's one of the reasons why zombies would be my choice monster to chase after me).
But this is from a girl who was afraid to watch Scoobydoo. I should have known better...although, the next morning we all had fun with our youngest child zombie...
Monday, March 7, 2011
Sometimes, I feel good, sometimes, I feel bad about my mothering. Like when my older daughter and I argue and I can tell that she's too much like me.... and all the things I was told as a child hurdle back to me...especially, I remember my dad telling me that he wishes that one day I'd have a daughter just like myself. Well, perhaps I do. BUT even though this diary is about my badness, I want this on the record: that I'm encouraging her to take advantage and employ her arguing skills when she's a lawyer/prosecutor. Ha! Avoided being like you, dad!
Also, a lot of the times when we argue, we end up laughing at each other. Is that weird...or, more important, is that wrong? I don't know...but she does have a great sense of humor! Still, I can't help but to bite my nails when I think of the next few years ahead....she's turning 13 this summer. How will I survive??????
Also, a lot of the times when we argue, we end up laughing at each other. Is that weird...or, more important, is that wrong? I don't know...but she does have a great sense of humor! Still, I can't help but to bite my nails when I think of the next few years ahead....she's turning 13 this summer. How will I survive??????
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Friday, March 4, 2011
I Thought I Was Going to Die...
Feb 25, 2011
...and in that moment, as I lay on my bed, shaky and in tears, my heart wildly palpitating, I suddenly jumped up to find a pen and paper. On the way, I stopped at the girls' bedrooms, where they slept peacefully, unaware that when they wake they might not have a mommy anymore. My heart broke for them.
Oh, God, it's not fair! What will they do without me?!
That's why I had gotten this pen and paper! I ran back to the bed, ignoring the feeling like I was about to pass out or have a seizure. I had to write them a goodbye letter...let them know that I loved them both the same amount. Let them know that the arguments we had about chores were all because I love them and want them to grow up to be hard workers and good persons...and strong women. I had to make sure that they knew that I was only human and I was aware that there were times when I was in the wrong, when I overreacted, when I was perhaps too critical...and not 're-directive', as I should have been. If I didn't make it through the night, they had to know that I was only human with faults and fancies, which may have at times been unrealistic. Oh my God, it was so sad, I wouldn't know if I did a good or bad job, if they are happy or not, what kind of mothers they would be...Yes, I apologized for being a bad mum, at times, and so "you have to learn from that too," I wrote; confessions and worries galore...and many tears later and "I'll always be with you!" We'll meet in heaven one day...
After a sleepless night, the next day I woke up, and was I ever grateful for life! This wonderful one chance we get and actually have the freedom to do whatever we want with!!! Bless you Democracy!
After a visit to the doctor and a few tests, he lowered my synthoid med and yes, I'm still here!
And best of all, I still have my sense of humor!
...and in that moment, as I lay on my bed, shaky and in tears, my heart wildly palpitating, I suddenly jumped up to find a pen and paper. On the way, I stopped at the girls' bedrooms, where they slept peacefully, unaware that when they wake they might not have a mommy anymore. My heart broke for them.
Oh, God, it's not fair! What will they do without me?!
That's why I had gotten this pen and paper! I ran back to the bed, ignoring the feeling like I was about to pass out or have a seizure. I had to write them a goodbye letter...let them know that I loved them both the same amount. Let them know that the arguments we had about chores were all because I love them and want them to grow up to be hard workers and good persons...and strong women. I had to make sure that they knew that I was only human and I was aware that there were times when I was in the wrong, when I overreacted, when I was perhaps too critical...and not 're-directive', as I should have been. If I didn't make it through the night, they had to know that I was only human with faults and fancies, which may have at times been unrealistic. Oh my God, it was so sad, I wouldn't know if I did a good or bad job, if they are happy or not, what kind of mothers they would be...Yes, I apologized for being a bad mum, at times, and so "you have to learn from that too," I wrote; confessions and worries galore...and many tears later and "I'll always be with you!" We'll meet in heaven one day...
After a sleepless night, the next day I woke up, and was I ever grateful for life! This wonderful one chance we get and actually have the freedom to do whatever we want with!!! Bless you Democracy!
After a visit to the doctor and a few tests, he lowered my synthoid med and yes, I'm still here!
And best of all, I still have my sense of humor!
Jake Sully and I in SIMS 3
July 15,2010
This morning, my ten year old daughter said she was going to make our family on Sims3: me and her, her sister and dad. I told her that that sounds great but to make sure that the dad is Jake Sully from Avatar. I couldn't help but to grin wickedly as I said it, more to myself than her.
She looked at me sort of speechless, her bed hair falling to one side as she cocked her head like a young pup.
“No,” she then said with a confused frown.
I felt guilty. Was that an inappropriate joke? I don't even know anymore, it's been so long since I've been around people my age for longer than a school-drop-off time. See, after I had the kids I moved out to a small town. I quit work to stay at home and well, lost touch with the rest of my friends, who had their own busy family lives. Also, I'm about 10 years younger than the other mothers at their school and well, god forbid, I'm not ugly either. Women prefer to have ugly friends and lets just say that making real friends has been a lost cause. But where was I?
Oh yes, Jake Sully.
“I was just kidding, honey,” I told her. “I just think he's...handsome.”
That isn't bad to admit, especially since every show of TV families have fathers leering at other (younger than their wife) women at some point or other. It's empowering to be unfaithful by looking, as far as I'm concerned. Also, I hope my girls won't grow up to be
hopeless romantics. If I have learned anything about life, it's that true love, that metaphor or phrase that sounds soooo good, just doesn't exist. What exists is temporary love, which blows up as fast as a balloon, but then deflates just as fast as you settle into marriage. This, is of course one of the things I feel bad about. I don't lie to my kids. I tell them to one day pick their husbands using their heads, rather than hearts.
So, anyway, I went to do my own thing forgetting all about the Jake Sully thing. Until, my daughter called out. “Mom, look here's our family picture.” After you make
a family, the game takes a 'family photo' of the people you designed.
“That's nice honey,” I said, glancing at it from afar.
Then she went to building our house: a two-floored square box with windows on every inch of the wall, red carpets and upstairs, adjoining bedrooms...so we can all be close. She showed me.
“Look, mom, here are our rooms on the top floor. Mine, Cindy's and this big one's for you and Jake Sully.” She giggled, pointing at the huge room, amid which was a big bed, with a heart bedframe and silken red sheets.
Lets just say I felt many sensational thoughts, all of them a-tingling:
Oh, god, what have I done to my daughter?
Just how bad is this, really?
What would people think?
What would her dad think?
I'm not having any more kids: I'm just a baad mom!
Jake Sully and I in a big bedroom with red carpet and a heart-shaped bed...grrrr.
There. There's another diary moment to go down in history about my baaaad parenthood. Learn from it, you will...
This morning, my ten year old daughter said she was going to make our family on Sims3: me and her, her sister and dad. I told her that that sounds great but to make sure that the dad is Jake Sully from Avatar. I couldn't help but to grin wickedly as I said it, more to myself than her.
She looked at me sort of speechless, her bed hair falling to one side as she cocked her head like a young pup.
“No,” she then said with a confused frown.
I felt guilty. Was that an inappropriate joke? I don't even know anymore, it's been so long since I've been around people my age for longer than a school-drop-off time. See, after I had the kids I moved out to a small town. I quit work to stay at home and well, lost touch with the rest of my friends, who had their own busy family lives. Also, I'm about 10 years younger than the other mothers at their school and well, god forbid, I'm not ugly either. Women prefer to have ugly friends and lets just say that making real friends has been a lost cause. But where was I?
Oh yes, Jake Sully.
“I was just kidding, honey,” I told her. “I just think he's...handsome.”
That isn't bad to admit, especially since every show of TV families have fathers leering at other (younger than their wife) women at some point or other. It's empowering to be unfaithful by looking, as far as I'm concerned. Also, I hope my girls won't grow up to be
hopeless romantics. If I have learned anything about life, it's that true love, that metaphor or phrase that sounds soooo good, just doesn't exist. What exists is temporary love, which blows up as fast as a balloon, but then deflates just as fast as you settle into marriage. This, is of course one of the things I feel bad about. I don't lie to my kids. I tell them to one day pick their husbands using their heads, rather than hearts.
So, anyway, I went to do my own thing forgetting all about the Jake Sully thing. Until, my daughter called out. “Mom, look here's our family picture.” After you make
a family, the game takes a 'family photo' of the people you designed.
“That's nice honey,” I said, glancing at it from afar.
Then she went to building our house: a two-floored square box with windows on every inch of the wall, red carpets and upstairs, adjoining bedrooms...so we can all be close. She showed me.
“Look, mom, here are our rooms on the top floor. Mine, Cindy's and this big one's for you and Jake Sully.” She giggled, pointing at the huge room, amid which was a big bed, with a heart bedframe and silken red sheets.
Lets just say I felt many sensational thoughts, all of them a-tingling:
Oh, god, what have I done to my daughter?
Just how bad is this, really?
What would people think?
What would her dad think?
I'm not having any more kids: I'm just a baad mom!
Jake Sully and I in a big bedroom with red carpet and a heart-shaped bed...grrrr.
There. There's another diary moment to go down in history about my baaaad parenthood. Learn from it, you will...
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